This is not your normal run of the mill race report. And have mixed feelings about the day. So here we go
Two years ago was the first incarnation of the Scrappy Badger gravel race by Substance Projects. And I had done the 20km short course as was months after the incident. And the injuries while there where still fresh and was early in the process. This would be a different exam two years later.
This year only the 40km or 80km options where available. And while I on paper could do the 40km it wouldn’t be easy to consider doing it. Why? Well many weeks back I had a bad day and my PTSI was triggered badly. And for most of the time before Scrappy Badger have been very wary of where I rode as due to PTSI and anxiety had to drastically change the routes and such to work around it all again. So simply for weeks had driven to the nearby trails every time. Because of fear not just of vehicles but the fear of it happening again. This is what no one talks about a couple of years after the incident that gives one PTSI is things like what happens after a bad day. How you feel like such a failure after wards that what you do to manage it at least to me failed. It felt like and was starting from zero again. And all this made even considering Scrappy Badger sketchy in my head.
So while I wanted to do Scrappy Badger kept quiet about doing it. Exactly 2 people knew I was considering it. But kept silent about my entry in case wasn’t able to get in the right place mentally. One part of making the decision was for the first time in 2021 riding the Depot Lakes Loop which is a 29km Loop north of the village of Kingston. Due to wrecking the crank on the Wideangle did it on the Stylus and did ok on the loop time wise. And at home some figuring out of a way to ride to the nearby trails to work around more of the PTSI and anxiety issues.
It was about three days before Scrappy Badger that in terms of PTSI and anxiety was ok to give it a go. So Friday afternoon headed towards Port Hope to truck camp because at least for me makes the morning easier not having to get up at 5 am. As well as a test of the updated back of the Dirtbag Ute.
Friday night was uneventful with a nice simple Asian style instant noodles on the tailgate. And eventually after some of reading fell asleep. Then it was wake up apparently at 0620. After getting to the village of Baltimore Community Centre and helping Dan with set up went to quietly get ready for the time trial.
At the designated time was off for the 40k. Zero goals of performing well meaning podium as haven’t done much training race wise as most training had been simply ride lots. With that for me this races main goal was to simply go the distance. It wasn’t till later that I came up with the first challenge using the Depot Lakes Loop time of 29km in 1 hour and 29 minutes as the initial goal. Which was to get as close to 29km in an hour and 29 min. The time was to be the mark.
So the first 20km went by with no issues aside from a couple of sand hills had to hoof it and the usual have to adjust the brace slightly. At the half way point which was the aid station at 20k I didn’t need anything as hadn’t all on board. Then it was off to see how close to the time mark could get.
And at the 1hr 29 min mark was at 25.2 KM which by the time stopped to get a phone pic off of course was now at 1 hour 30. I was about 4.3 km short of the goal that day. Maybe I didn’t in some sections as hard as could have or maybe it would have been better on the Stylus instead of the Wideangle. No clue as only comparison is the Depot Lakes Loop. As moved on came up with the next part was try to get the next 14km done and end time of 2 hours and 29 min overall. Ok and as they say now the fun begins.
10k of unmaintained road and if you believe Race Director Dan ATV track. Sorry didn’t see much ATV track during the race. So 10k of unmaintained road, some sand, sketchy bottom of downhills sketchy because when it’s rains guess where the loose stuff gets dumped? And some paved road. And of course the usual Dan Marshal part which especially positively fun.....
Not fun at all Dan. Also at some point during this was passed by Andy McKean cruising easily through sand pits on husband fat bike.
On the way in on the last few Km’s saw Michael Cranwell and Barry Cox on their way out on the 80km TT if fun. And while felt good at this point things kinda went wrong. Some how I apparently missed the markers and came in the wrong way. While this during a normal race would later in the day be concerning. So at one point after that was frustrated and almost didn’t bother limping to the finish to see Dan and check in. Once was done thought I was ok even though a bit frustrated as something felt off. But could not grasp yet what.
A bit later in the parking lot at the Dirtbag Ute unloading the hydration pack and while drinking ice tea while I sat on the tail gate I finally grasped what was wrong. While have a bit of memory of the various parts of the course there was one now glaring problem. I had zero memory of the area was supposed have turned at. None. And this triggered my anxiety and such because worrying this is a memory loss issue because of head injuries from 2 and a half years ago. Almost cried sitting there because of not knowing if this is another short term memory issue is scary. And upsetting more because now start thinking it is one more thing I lose being able to do. After a while it all kinda not so much passed as more like turned itself down from 11 to a 2 on the mental illness volume setting.
After recovering from that and ate some food. Spun back to the unofficial finish area as the real finish was further out. Was there in time to give a job well done to the woman who rode the 40km on a 26” wheel mtb and walked the hills. Then got to watch Michael Cranwell come in after 76km with a wee bit of an injury. Then Barry Cox come in with jersey flapping like some kind of parachute. Well done to both.
End of the day while I did go the distance there will be something’s have to be considered in future. The biggest is to figure out what can do to work around another memory issue or at least decrease the chances next year if do this type of race again to have a memory issue.
The other thing to consider will be bar set up as had a few times during the 40km wished had some old school bar ends. For me this is a serious thing to consider as for some events and rides having the options those could provide me for hand positions would be good for working around injuries I have now as part of life.
2:42:13.8 was my time for 40km when I looked later during the evening. So the goal of going the distance was met. Rest is then next project.
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