About two weeks out from May 7th 2022 edition of the Scrappy Badger I realized I had no desire to race it. I gave myself a couple of days to see if things changed mind wise around the race. And still had no desire to go and just go through the motions. Maybe it was my mind without me being aware that I need a break. Who knows.
So I decided to help Substance Dan with Aid Station One on the 80km course and the rest of the weekend would be the drive down to near the race location and truck camp again. Plus as I thought of the day and looked at the timings I realized that there was an opportunity to take care of a goal from last year that missed doing twice as was tired both times down near Northumberland Forest. Also add in the the opportunity to see those I knew which is kind of important mental health wise.
Now some would bring on and prattle on about Fear Of Missing Out or FOMO however I already had a hunch how this would evolve.
So after driving down to near Port Hope and seeking after the drive to get a wee bit of a ride in to explore a unmaintained road was kind a curious about. Parked near the road and took an easy exploration spin. End result was really a dead end road as the bridge over the CPR tracks had been pulled.
After returning to the Dirtbag Ute moved to the nights truck camp spot. And started cooking up some Gnocchi and an boiled water to make instant soup. Looking back didn't seem to have much anxiety and overthinking about things like did fall of 2021. While could say had a short but ok sleep. But reality is while short if waking up chillier then expected counts as ok then maybe the bar is to low. Had forgotten to put the British Army sleeping bag in for the trip and lesson learned.
Headed to the race site in Baltimore to get gear ready to haul to the remote aid station being very wary of how long could stand on concrete so took some breaks to sit while getting organized. Then was the drive to the site. With help from Henkel who was sent to help as well we got it set up. And after a wait first came the lead moto and then the first racers. And when I look back a few days later I can honestly say I did not regret racing and had no fear of missing out type syndrome. Maybe this is a one off or maybe because of the traumatic Brain Injury mixed with PTSI, Anxiety, and Depression my direction has changed in being an athlete. We shall see. but at the same time as I wrote earlier being an athlete is more then just race results.
With this going on it did create the opportunity to take care of one goal from 2021 because wasn't as tired from managing my mental illness around cars while trying to ride a gravel event. Will be sharing that goal in a later entry but in all it was a good road trip. Helped those still able to race while seeing those I knew have their good day out. And it also created an idea to share with others something thought of.
In the end have zero regrets or FOMO for not riding Scrappy Badger but new memories yes. As well as continuing to do things that have different goals then racing as an athlete.
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