It has been a while since talked about 3 plus years ago and have been in a better place about it. Now mind you that does not mean it isn't there and while silent for now there will be days and moments that bring it all back. And no, I don't like being brought back to what has given me mental illness.
A little over a month ago I was a witness to a moment that was triggering and shocking as well as confirming that my PTSI will never exactly take a long 6-month vacation. What happened? I watched a driver willfully intimidate a woman with his SUV.
I had stopped just before the intersection of Hudson and Bayridge Dr to check my phone in case had received an important message relating to some medical stuff. Was guessing was 25 meters south of the south crosswalk. While checking noted am guessing a 69-year-old woman waiting to cross Bayridge. When the light changed, and she had the crosswalk sign definitely. As looked at the messages suddenly had a weird feeling and looked up to see a shocking thing. A driver of a white SUV had decided that no matter what he would turn left of Hudson onto Bayridge to head south. He had stopped with his bumper a foot and a half away from the woman. To say she was irate would be putting it mildly. His response was to shrug his shoulders and had absolutely zero remorse. He minimally if that cared if he had maimed or killed the woman. Called out to him about his shitty driving his response was to give the finger and such. Proving that he had absolutely no care about others.
Some out there would say should have done more. Really? Here's the thing. I saw it and was shocked while feeling my PTSI being triggered and all that comes with that. So am managing that so I don't do something that can lead to another ER visit or bail money and criminal defense attorneys. And reality is unless am riding around with a FN FAL in a quick draw carry system while riding around. Am not going to do much against a person who has clearly shown is willfully willing to use his SUV as a weapon against pedestrians and cyclists. I will just end up maimed again or killed. And report it to the KPF? Yeah so, they can do the usual absolutely nothing.
Fortunately, the woman resumed her walk and made it the rest of the way safely. Of course, after her few choice words aimed at the evil vehicle operator.
So continued the days easy ride while trying to manage my triggered mental illness related to March 2019. And me wondering if that driver was the one who maimed me. Fortunately, a few days later the PTSI and such went from level 7-8 to a more normal level. And it is tiring every time bad human behavior or as I call it evil doer choices happen that trigger feelings and has me for a couple of days basically isolating myself from people. And the thinking that was the person who willfully took me out is tiring as well. Words don't describe what goes on in my head when all this is triggered which makes it all harder when asked.
Though on the positive side it did reinforce my brains belief that I should stay on the sidewalk as much as possible while riding.
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